Managers' loneliness facing decisions

Leading a business, a department, or a team means taking on a role that few people truly understand: that of decision-making.

Strategic decisions, human choices, financial arbitrations, risk management, crisis management… You are regularly at the heart of complex, sometimes sensitive situations, the impact of which far exceeds your own person.

In addition, there is a constant mental load: all these pending decisions, the risks to monitor, the sensitive topics to address "at the right time," the important discussions to prepare, the emails to write with the "right words," the figures, the deadlines, the potential conflicts, or the upcoming negotiations. Even when you are not at the office, this load continues to run in the background. It consumes your energy, reduces your availability for the rest of your life, and directly impacts your clarity when it comes time to decide.

And very often, you make all these decisions alone.

Some telling figures

The loneliness of the decision-maker: a reality rarely spoken aloud

Nearly 60% of leadersdeclare feeling a form of loneliness in the exercise of their duties. Loneliness is therefore not an isolated case, but a shared experience among the majority of leaders. However, it remains little expressed, sometimes even minimized. Yet, it is very real.

You probably know these situations:

• You must choose between several imperfect options.
• You are arbitrating between the interests of the company and the immediate comfort of certain individuals.
• You decide without having all the information, with areas of ambiguity and uncertainty.
• You know that your choice will have a lasting impact on your employees, your clients, your cash flow... and even your personal life.

At the same time, you must stay the course, inspire confidence, and show that you "have the situation under control." What makes things even more difficult at times is that you cannot always say everything to your team, share everything with your loved ones, or disclose everything to your board of directors, your partners, or your clients.

You therefore keep a lot of things to yourself. Not out of a desire to control everything, but to protect others, avoid unnecessary worries, respect internal balances, and maintain the level of confidentiality that your role requires. You know things that you cannot share, you make unpopular decisions for the sustainability of the organization, you manage both the pressure of results and the fear of failure, without always being able to express what this means for you.

But it has a cost: that of intellectual and emotional isolation, particularly at the time of major decisions.

In certain contexts, this solitude is even more pronounced. This is particularly the case in family businesses or during generational transitions: When you represent a new generation of leaders, you must carry a new vision, navigate an inherited culture, and avoid fracturing the organization.

The main causes of this loneliness

If you feel this loneliness, it is not a personal flaw. It is largely related to the way the role of a manager or leader is structured.

We find among the most common causes:

• Expanded responsibilities
  You are the focal point of on-the-ground issues and strategic challenges. It is to you that people turn to arbitrate, decide, and prioritize. This particular position can quickly become isolating, especially when it comes to managing conflicts, crises, or sensitive decisions.
• A double-sided pressure
  On one hand, you must meet the objectives set by your hierarchy, your board, your shareholders. On the other hand, you must respond to the expectations of your team, maintain motivation, and manage the daily constraints. You are in the middle, and few people truly perceive the whole picture.
• Difficult decisions to bear
  Some decisions are, by nature, unpopular: reorganizing, reframing, refusing, changing course… Even if they are necessary for the future of the company, you often have to bear them alone, on the front line. The weight of this responsibility feeds loneliness.
• The feeling of always having to show a strong image
  Many managers and leaders feel that they must display constant mastery: not to doubt, not to falter, not to show fatigue. This "flawless" posture can prevent you from sharing your questions or vulnerabilities, even when you need to.
• A possible shift in values
  When certain expected decisions, internal operating methods, or corporate culture are not aligned with your personal values, an inner tension arises. This dissonance is difficult to express openly and often reinforces the feeling of loneliness.
• The diversity of required skills
  ​Even with 10, 20, or 30 years of experience, no one can be an expert in all areas. However, the decisions that come across your desk often mix several dimensions. You may have a strong intuition... while knowing that some areas remain unclear.
  This clarity about your own limits can, if not accompanied, reinforce the feeling of loneliness: you bear the responsibility of the decision, without always having all the necessary skills to feel fully secure in your choice.Dans ces situations, un avis externe peut souvent : 

Some signals to listen to

The solitude of the decision-maker does not always manifest itself through spectacular exhaustion. It often settles in gradually:

• You notice that you ruminate on certain discussions long after they have happened.
• You are postponing important decisions due to a lack of a safe space to discuss them.
• You regularly have "slumps"
• You are no longer able to prioritize your work

If you recognize yourself in some of these points, you are neither alone nor "weak".

You are faced with the hidden side of a demanding role, which is often played out in silence.

What happens when you stay alone for too long

About 70% of managers estimate that this solitude has a negative impact on their performance. Solitude not only affects the morale of leaders: it also directly weighs on the quality of their decisions and their results.

Deciding alone occasionally is not a problem in itself: You have experience, intuition, and common sense. The risk arises when this solitude becomes the norm.

It can then lead to:

Every day, you make dozens of decisions: strategic, operational, human, financial. Over time, your energy decreases, and your mental clarity does too. You decide by reflex, you switch to "autopilot" mode. As the day goes on, you are more tempted to postpone certain choices, accept things without too much challenge, or on the contrary, make decisions too quickly, just to "clear the pile."

A reinforcement of your biases
Like everyone else, you have your reflexes, your frameworks for understanding, your preferences. When you turn things over in your head alone, you remain within this frame of reference. Without constructive contradiction, certain blind spots remain invisible: you overestimate some risks and underestimate others, you cling to an option that "speaks to you," you reproduce patterns that have worked in the past... in a context that may have changed.

A background stress... that ultimately affects your health
En cumulant les décisions lourdes et non partagées, et cette charge mentale permanente, vous portez un poids considérable. Vous pouvez le masquer en journée, mais il ressort le soir, lorsque vous rejouez la journée dans votre tête, la nuit, lorsque vous vous réveillez en pensant à un mail, une phrase, un chiffre, le week-end, lorsque vous êtes physiquement présent(e), mais mentalement encore au travail.

Many studies converge: this isolation, combined with high pressure, is often accompanied by a high level of stress and anxiety, and can ultimately lead to burnout if nothing is put in place to prevent it.

And the more this stress rises, the harder it becomes to take a step back, prioritize tasks, distinguish emotion from fact, and see the options clearly.

You may then have this paradoxical feeling:

“I know my job, I know my files… but I can no longer see clearly.”

Real consequences on performance... and on your teams

The solitude of the manager or leader does not only affect you. It ultimately impacts your environment.

On your performance and your confidence
When you feel isolated and unsupported, you may take longer to decide, doubt more, and hesitate to make a choice. Projects slow down, and your confidence in your own judgment can erode.

On your creativity and the quality of decisions
Without exchanges or confrontation of ideas, decisions are made within a limited mental circle. New options, different angles, and creative solutions are less present.

About your teams and your organization
A very stressed, tired, or demotivated manager or leader will have more difficulty inspiring and mobilizing. Communication becomes strained, misunderstandings increase, and the atmosphere deteriorates. In the long term, this solitude can lead to higher turnover in management positions, which undermines the stability of the organization.

The power of an external gaze

In many situations, it is not so much the decision itself that is complicated... but the way you look at it. From the inside, everything is loaded: your history with people, the unspoken, the fear of losing, the constraints, the stress. In a difficult period, this weight can create a barrier: you know the context by heart, but you can no longer see the options clearly.

An external perspective, with some distance, can:

• rephrase the situation in simple words,
• distinguish what pertains to fact, interpretation, or fear,
• see what stress and mental load prevent you from seeing,
• bring a fresh perspective to your offer, your message, your strategy,
• ask the right questions (technical, legal, financial, human),
• propose new solution pathways.

In some organizations, this role is taken on by peers, mentors, independent directors, or external thought partners: close enough to understand the issues, distant enough to maintain freedom of speech. They become mirrors, demanding yet benevolent allies, allowing the leader to confront their ideas, refine their strategy, and express their concerns without undermining the organization.

Sometimes, all it takes is for someone to tell you:

“If I were your client, your collaborator, or your partner, this is how I would receive this offer, this message, this decision.”

And your perspective changes.